Made New

For the ones who are lost

For the ones who are blinded by the things that they thought ruled their lives

For the ones who think that they can no longer fix their lives

For the ones seeking for the answers

I'll share my story of how I learned the true meaning of happiness... :)

I am Agnes Valenzuela, 20 years old. College student.

For the past 20 years I have been lost. Searching for things that I thought would satisfy my needs, my ego, my existence. For the people who knew me, they may say that I am the type of person who's always smiling, and laughing; in short I seem to take things lightly even at times when things don't seem to work out the way I planned it to be. They say that people who appears to be happy all the time dies inside. Well... I can say that yes, partly this is true for me. There are really times where I tend to hide all the negative feelings I have and just try to act like nothing's wrong. But well in fact I am already hurting.

All those years I was looking for love and security. With all my effort spent... I wasn't able to find it. All those things I thought I can find with a person; I thought I can find it with achievements too. BUT NO. All those things are fleeting. It was temporary. Sometimes it is even wrong. I made a lot of mistakes. I have sinned, too many times that I can't even count or even remember them. I was so ashamed of what I've become. I can no longer face tomorrow for I thought there's no better day that is for me to see. There also came a time when I forgot my worth. I thought that I deserve all the pain and failures that I am suffering that moment. Poor self-esteem. Poor self-concept. I thought that there was no more way out. I thought that I would be living this way for my entire existence. That once ruined... forever ruined.

I can still remember my prayer during the time when I was really down. When everything seemed like getting crushed. I told God: "Lord, if this isn't for me please take it away. I can no longer bear the pain". God answered my prayer. Yes it was really painful. I was convincing myself that it will all get better and I was telling myself not to look back. We all know that recovery takes time. Sometimes we think that we're okay but something can trigger us and bring all back the pain. It is true TIME is a great factor. That there's a time for everything. ( Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ) 

I started the year with my goals; to FIX myself and to have a closer relationship with my family. Yes, I've accomplished those two goals. But I felt like it wasn't really a hundred percent accomplishment. I felt that something's lacking. I thought I was okay. But sad to say; even though I have forgiven all those who hurt me I forgot one thing... I haven't forgiven myself. I already had a mindset that all the mistakes I've done defines me. That I can no longer regain myself.

Looking back I've realized that I forgot about Him. That it was so superficial. I may know God. But all I have was just an idea about Him. I know facts about Him because it was taught in school since I was a kid. But I didn't realize how amazing He is. We can easily say that we believe in Him, we have faith in Him. But those are just words. We can utter them without truly living the words we speak. Then I started to seek Him. It is only by having a relationship with Him that you can know Him. I was so eager to learn about Him.

You know what happened next?

I've come to realize that being punched in the face is painful

BUT

being punched in the face by the truth is much more painful

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free ( John 8:32 )

ALL ALONG I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT I ALREADY HAVE

Oh Lord why does this have to go this far?

Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not what is seen, but what in unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ( 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 )

It says here that do not lose heart for all those suffering shall pass. That these sufferings will lead us to eternal glory and truly we would forget all about the pain we've undergone because it is nothing compared to what we'll receive from God. Like what I told you earlier all the things that I was looking for, I tried to find it with something that is temporary and nothing in this world is permanent. It is only God who remains the same. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) and you we shall not lose our hearts, we shall not lose hope because the Lord said that Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6)

How many times have I questioned myself, even the people around me or even God... WHY ME? Why do I have to experience these things? Why do I get hurt this much? Why do I keep on failing for how many times? What have I not done?

The story of Joseph made me realize that I blame no one for what I have experienced. That those who people who hurt me along the way... I thank you. Because I wouldn't be the Agnes now if those things didn't happen. And it is God's will. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God ( Genesis 45:8 ) and truly everything happens for a reason... but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in Him. ( John 9:3 )

I was looking for love, security and forgiveness... All those things I can only find in Jesus Christ's dying in the cross. See how significant the cross is to us? The cross is greatest demonstration of love. Just think of it, God sent His only son to the earth to suffer in the hands of the humans. He loves us so much that He sacrificed His only Son. Jesus Christ who had no sin took our place for us to be righteous. He redeemed us so that we'll receive the blessing. With that one act all things I have found.

I want to share this to you because like any other people, I was once a slave of sin. But with God, He made me new. And I want you to experience this as well. A life with God everyday is truly a life worth living for :)

That in all things God may be glorified 

Worry No More

The past weeks has been really rough. Tiresome days and sleepless nights. It is finally over. Summer's here. I am mentally drained, physically drained and emotionally drained. I deserve a pat on the back because I survived those stressful weeks ALIVE. I am so excited to get bored! On the other hand we know that finals is over but what comes after that? Resuuuults!!! BOOM! The ever so famous in demand bulletin board shall be visited from time to time. Photos of it shall flood your notifications. And you'll silently wish that your student number won't be on the list.

Lately I have been feeling these mixed emotions. I feel sad yet happy. I feel frustrated but secured.

SAD:

If I won't make it, it would really break heart. Yes failing makes me sad but the reason behind it is that IT WILL NEVER BE EASY TO LET GO OF THE THINGS THAT YOU ARE ATTACHED TO. Those four years in college is really something worth keeping. It's like seeing each one of you grow, seeing how one helped each other out. We all know that by the end of each semester someone leaves. And that cycle has really been a tiresome one.

HAPPY:

Yes even though this semester has been really difficult; with those endless requirements and those tests that felt  like a death note everytime I see them... I can say that overall I am happy because I know I learned A LOT and I LOVE MY FIELD MORE AND MORE. I believe that it isn't the grade that will define you. High grades don't matter for as long as you gained something from all the lessons that your professors taught you. And you learned from the mistakes that you committed.

FRUSTRATED:

It is really frustrating to see yourself still failing even though you've pushed yourself so much just to meet the demands. Sometimes it's just not enough.

SECURED:

For all the reasons to be down. I have a weapon to use and it's God. I may have BIG PROBLEMS but I have a BIG GOD. And He's greater than anything; than anyone else. Yes I find my security in Him. Cos I know whatever situation I might be in, wherever I may be. I know He's there. He will always be there.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" -Joshua1:9

God and His amazing ways.

You just have those amazing ways on how you touch someone's life

I've been crying lately. I was always worried. No matter how much I tried to hold back the emotions I can't control it. I thought I was okay for quite sometime then something triggered me again. And brought my emotions back. Do you get that feeling that you just don't want to talk about it cos even yourself is tired of the reason of having those feelings? Just cry it out and pray it out...

Number one struggle: WORRYING

Matthew 6:25-34 Do Not Worry

27-"Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

33-"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well"

Who would have thought that someone can make a change with what you are feeling with just simple words? Coming from a person who isn't really that close to you. Isn't it amazing on how God uses people to make a change in someone's life?

We actually know what's the right thing to do. Its just sometimes we tend to do what's wrong. Or maybe we just needed to hear it from others and just be reminded that:

"Hey, I am here. I will always be here. 

Don't you worry because I have a plan for you"

-God

My friend asked me what if I get to have my dream car... but I won't be driving it. It would be God who'd be the one to drive. I will let him take over. Yes there would be some turns, probably a zigzag road, some humps yeah might be a very bumpy ride. Will I worry? Should I worry? Definitely not. Cos it's God. So just like in our life, if we let God take over, we shouldn't worry. For He promised to prosper our lives. For now we only see a portion of what our lives may be. But He sees everything. For it is finished.

TO WHOM SHALL YOU HOLD ON TO?

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with surging" -Psalm 46:1-3

My favorite song :)

Even when you can't imagine how

How you're ever gonna find your way out

Even when you're drowning in your doubt

just look beyond the clouds

Whatever may happen. Pass or fail Lord, I will continue to bring you praise

Thank You for everything

I love you always, Lord. ALL WAYS >:)<

While I'm Waiting

Cos it's the month of love and love has always been a "the topic" for everyone.

What goes into your mind when you hear "While I'm Waiting?" or just the plain word... waiting? What do you do when you wait? Some just plainly wait ehem abangers. haha while others do something when they wait. That's what you call purposeful waiting.

"Am I called to marry?"

That's one of the things that Ms. Rica said at the beginning.

It's one of the most important things that you have to consider. It is not what they want or what I want buuuut it is what He wants :)

A lot of people of our age engage in relationships like hmm "no strings attached" or let's put it this way, two people having feelings about each other but doesn't clarify what's going on between them. These people are the ones who you'd see doing things like boyfriend-girlfriend thing but one thing is lacking... commitment. I have always been the type of person who values commitment soooo much. My point is that, why should you invest emotions in a "relationship" that does not have a purpose? When you're not secured? What's the point of telling someone you love them but you are not man enough to prove that. (for the men) What's the point of investing feelings to a person when you know sooner or later your "thing" will just fade away?

Let us then keep in mind that purity doesn't only involve not having sex before marriage but there is also what we call emotional purity.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken

Ecclesiastes 4:12

The three strands that the bible is telling us is YOU, YOUR SPOUSE and GOD :)

It is important to look at yourself first. Examine yourself. Are you ready to be in a relationship? Are you ready to submit yourself to the person you'll spend the most of your time with? With every changes in our life it all goes down to your personal benefit. When you do something and excel on that, who benefits? When you decided to let go of the things that hinder you from doing better, who benefits from that?

Second to think of is your spouse. Or for us who isn't married (yet) haha. to the "future spouse"

We all have that criteria in our minds on what would be our future partner would be. In that criteria there can be those negotiable ones and the non-negotiable. Before I used to say "Basta matangos ilong tsaka mukhang badass" Buuuut, preferences change. Pero gusto ko padin matangos ilong HAHAHA But let's put that on the negotiable criteria. For the non-negotiable; I have three things. One is that he's sensible; a man who has something to say and who isn't scared of going against the flow of the stereotyped men this age. Second is, he loves his family and cares for them. Lastly, a man who has Jesus in his heart. A man who has a strong spiritual leadership :) Soooo what's yours? 

LASTLY, GOD

In the first place why did God created marriage?

To make us holy and to give us a picture of God's love for us

The ever famous verse John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life

That's LOVE. And for the people who seeks for love... 

Don't look for it because YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.

Purposeful Singleness

While I'm waiting... I would like to strengthen my relationship with God.  Enjoy my walk with Him. While I'm doing this I'll get to know myself better. While I'm waiting I could enjoy friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ. Serve other people and be involved in the community and lastly date wisely and purposefully :)

His ways

Who says people with disabilities can no longer know God?
Today I've encountered someone who actually moved me. After going to Caleruega with my family we went to Leslie's to have lunch and of course there's a long waiting list; while waiting I decided to bring out my bible and read. Upon reading through pages I noticed someone was looking at me; I saw a finger pointing right where I was reading and when I looked at the person standing in front of me... He was I guess a man of my age and he is disabled. From his appearance I can say that he has MR (Mental Retardation). I thought his attention was just captured because of the look of my "book" because mine doesn't really look like a bible from its external appearance; but no. He was able to recognize that it was a bible because he also has one :) He was actually holding one. But his was the large one and I noticed that we were both on the book of John.

Isn't it amazing? Imagine a person with disability can still know Him.
Even my mom said that "Siya may disability pero nagbabasa siya bible, daig niya pa kami"
Look how God works on people. Who says we can't learn from people with disabilities? Not because we are way ahead on skills doesn't mean we can't get anything from them. It is really heartwarming to see a person doing something to get to know Him better.

Just when I exactly needed something to get me out of my frustrations and worries... comes this person who touched my heart and it's like God is telling me not to worry and everything's going to be fine. Another inspiration and motivation. I love this field; I would like to help people. I would like to tell them they can do it even at the worst cases; I would like to be there in every improvements they'll have.
Lord, you are truly amazing :)

Another year down, More to go!

Is it just me or the year has really been fast? This year has been great overall. It taught me a lot... A LOOOOT. Things have changed. I've changed and I am so proud of myself!!! I know my friends are too :) So let's have some recaaaaap! ;)

I started 2012 with a cold heart. Feelings disregarded and mind's lost. I was this lost kid who only cared for good times or rather the times that would make me atleast forget what was really for me to think of. I only had four subjects that time. I wasn't even giving much effort for me to pass. I was just going to school for the sake of attending class. My mind's blown away. My heart wasn't even there to keep me motivated eventhough I really wanted what I was getting myself into. When the school year was about to end I had already prepared myself for transferring to another school for I know I don't deserve to be there. Compared to other students, I can actually label myself to be a misfit.

I think I almost have it all done. I have all requirements with me; people were asking me if that's what I really wanted. Do I really have to transfer? At that time I was really doubting my capabilities. I am not sure if I could really make it. The truth is, I was too afraid of what I need to do; of what I must do. And also afraid to be slapped in the face that "Dude, you don't belong here and stop acting like its gonna happen". But on the other hand, I know if I just keep my head on the goal I could actually make it. What made me stay? It was clearance day, went to UST and my prof was there and talked me out of it. And he made me cry! Before in our pracs he was actually waiting for me to cry but I don't cos I always laugh haha. So then when he wasn't actually trying to make me cry, I cried cos it was nice to hear from someone who's great and hello a---prof?? To say that I should stay and if it is for me to transfer give it another sem if I fail then go, transfer and I pass, just continue. AND SO I STAYED :))

Summer of 2012 was hmm meaningful. For the first part of it was a drastic one. It was something that I have never thought of happening. Emotions went overboard. And yet after all I tried to just leave everything behind when we went for States. My friends told me it was a great opportunity for me to get over everything and try to build up myself. And YES it was really a good start for me.

My goal for 2012 was to:
1. FIX MYSELF (in every way)
2. better relationship with my family

I think I did pretty well. Oh no wait. I did great! :))) I'm really proud of who I am now. Starting with right setting of priorities. I passed all my subjects last sem. With attaining your goals it really goes with sacrifices. I have a better relationship with my family. Right now, I can say that they know everything about me.

Hmm I'm proud to say I stopped smoking since my birthday. It was my gift for myself. And upto now I haven't done it again and I am not in any way tempted :D So for the others who doesn't believe they could really stop their vices...
FIRST STEP: WANT IT :)

This year I have closed my doors with romantic relationships. My mind was fixed; I don't want to involve myself with hmm "love". Not that I'm afraid but I know it would just be a distraction for me and I guess I haven't met someone who could atleast change my mind. And I spent the entire year building up the Agnes that I wanted to be and if the time comes that I'll meet "Mr. Right"; I know I may deserve him :)

Oh! Since we're on the batch 2015... We met new people. During the first sem; since we don't have much subjects we don't talk to others that much. But now, we're getting to know people better and I can say these people are really nice. (eventhough they're bullying me LOL JK) I'm looking forward to getting close to them. I hope they are too >:))

This year was really a blast and I'm excited for another year!

some of my high school friends
NINJA

my lovely college friends

My cousin, Ate Gel

my bestfriend, Chon

TEAM IRREG! :D

DORMATES!

MY FAMILY :)

With all the things that God has given me the past year

I'm glad to say I made it through

I'm a lot tougher now

and way wiser than I ever was

Thank you Lord for everything

I LOVE YOU