Happy Heart

Morning of December 26, 2012
I was half awake when my phone lit up. There was a notification. I got a message from someone. I thought I was dreaming; I thought I just fooled myself thinking I'd get a message from that person. When I opened it; I saw a full page length of message. Not being able to finish what was there, for a moment my eyes started watering. Oh God knows how I've been waiting for this time to come.

After reading the message I was too happy and I wanted everyone to know. I kept on saying "Sobrang saya ko! Shockssss ramdam mo ba? Ang saya ko talaga! :)))"

Holding on to anger was never my thing. I barely get mad. But that incident was one of the worst. Losing one's composure. Crying over things that you thought was of substance. Doing stupid decisions and making the situation even worse. And the hardest part was, the thought of losing a friend who was really close to your heart.

This "thing" grew distance between us; who are mainly involved. Sadly, people around us were affected too. It has been months now and I really miss her. I miss them. I miss the friendship that was once there before everything had happened. It will always be remembered and will always be special to me :)

A week before, I was already thinking of sending them messages but I did not push through it. Something pulled me back. Maybe it wasn't for me to make the move. Maybe it wasn't the right time just yet. I was secretly hoping that this time the first move wouldn't come from me. I constantly prayed for it. God knows how much it would mean to me. It may be a little difficult to comprehend my thoughts about it because normally, people would just take it in a wrong way. Maybe it would be "awkward" but the grudge was long gone for me. Nothing good will result from it. We all know that.

For all the things that had happened; I've learned to forgive without receiving an apology. And receiving one would be extra special :) Lord, you never fail to surprise me. You keep on blessing me with wonderful things. I would surely end 2012 with a happy heart. Thank you for the overflowing blessings I couldn't be much happier :)

So much love for Christmas

I have never been this happy. This Christmas is extra special for me and my family. It has been long enough since we had celebrated Christmas altogether. Waking up knowing our house could be called home is a feeling that can't be replaced by any other thing. I am so blessed to have them. If you've read my blog before; you'd know that I am not an affectionate person especially towards my family. Buuuuuut, I kind of fixed that part of me. I frequently text my mom, email my dad, send bbm to my brother. I'd tell them I love them, I miss them. At first it was really hard, it gives me goosebumps. Especially when it comes to my brother. I would normally tell him "Hayyy miss mo nanaman ako no!" And he'd tell me "nigga please" :)))))) Sooooo much love from my brother right? But I love him anyway! I know he misses me too :))))

What more can I ask for? I have a happy family. I have my wonderful friends. God has blessed me so much. And there's only one wish that I have, it's that one day I hope my family would see God as I see Him in church. I want them to experience God as I experienced Him touching my life. I want them to be there with me. I want their full support. As much as I want to grow with Him; I can't fully do that when I know they can't fully understand my heart for it. One day I know this would come. There's nothing impossible with God :)

And this Christmas... it's not about the fancy clothes or the gifts we got. It's all about You. We love you so much. And for the greatest gift we could ever have, Thank you Lord for giving us Jesus :)

Yes, it is about LOVE

Do you really know what love is? Do you really know when you're in love? Does liking someone gives you a potential of being in love with them? Why does it have to be complicated? How do you differentiate all the feelings that you'll have towards a person?

How many times did you fall in love? How many times shall you give a portion of your heart to someone until you finally settle for "the one".

Is it really love? Or you just think that you are in love? Orrrr you are just in love with the thought of love?

Over-thinking?

Maybe

But it is better to think for a lot of times than to just act without thinking twice

Movies Vs. Reality? Haaaaah! I still believe that a love like that is still possible.  I have a friend who's really close to me. I've been his buddy for hmm years I guess, and I am really happy for him because I know he met the girl who's gonna make him believe that true love does exist. And it doesn't only exists in movies like what most guys say. He has always been a good guy. And he deserves a girl like the one he's dating. I have another friend who's like a sister to me. I am so excited for her. For me she's the nicest person you'll ever meet. A girl like her deserves THE BEST GUY. I am so jealous!!!! How I wish I would have a love story close to hers. It is really true that God is the best writer. Haha I shouldn't worry, he's still planning mine.

I don't actually mind being a third wheel or even fifth. Hahaha I just love seeing happy couples. It makes me believe that even in this generation it is possible to find true love.

I would always pray to Him, if I'd fall in love again or rather, if You'd let me fall for a person. Let this person be my last. I believe in Your timing Lord.

My thoughts of Him

Before, I used to ask Him, WHY. Why do I have to get through this? Why me? Have I done something wrong for me to deserve all those things? I felt really weak. I felt helpless. I felt that there won't come a day that I'll get over all the pain. My heart was full of pain. I lost my self-esteem. I would always doubt my capabilities. I kind of lost everything that I have. (Well that's how it really felt)

Yes you have friends that you can lean on. But sometimes you just can't really tell them everything. Not that you don't want to but it is just hard to put all your emotions into words. It's hard to select the perfect words to define what you feel. But there's someone who understands you. You don't have to speak. 'Cos He sees through you. Because of Him. I'm here; stronger than I was before. He never left me even though I've sinned.  He would always have that hand that would reach out and help me get up when I fall down.

I have never been so secured with what I have. For years I've been searching for myself. I've been lost; so scared that I won't be able to get back on track. Yes it is really true. He will never put you in a situation that you can't handle. There would always be a purpose for everything that comes into your life.

I thank Him everyday because I know without Him I won't be able to surpass all the struggles that came into my life. I trust Him so I don't worry. He has plans for me and I know I'll be happy. We'll all be happy. We'll surely have a ton of troubles ahead but we'll get through it :)