Happy Heart

Morning of December 26, 2012
I was half awake when my phone lit up. There was a notification. I got a message from someone. I thought I was dreaming; I thought I just fooled myself thinking I'd get a message from that person. When I opened it; I saw a full page length of message. Not being able to finish what was there, for a moment my eyes started watering. Oh God knows how I've been waiting for this time to come.

After reading the message I was too happy and I wanted everyone to know. I kept on saying "Sobrang saya ko! Shockssss ramdam mo ba? Ang saya ko talaga! :)))"

Holding on to anger was never my thing. I barely get mad. But that incident was one of the worst. Losing one's composure. Crying over things that you thought was of substance. Doing stupid decisions and making the situation even worse. And the hardest part was, the thought of losing a friend who was really close to your heart.

This "thing" grew distance between us; who are mainly involved. Sadly, people around us were affected too. It has been months now and I really miss her. I miss them. I miss the friendship that was once there before everything had happened. It will always be remembered and will always be special to me :)

A week before, I was already thinking of sending them messages but I did not push through it. Something pulled me back. Maybe it wasn't for me to make the move. Maybe it wasn't the right time just yet. I was secretly hoping that this time the first move wouldn't come from me. I constantly prayed for it. God knows how much it would mean to me. It may be a little difficult to comprehend my thoughts about it because normally, people would just take it in a wrong way. Maybe it would be "awkward" but the grudge was long gone for me. Nothing good will result from it. We all know that.

For all the things that had happened; I've learned to forgive without receiving an apology. And receiving one would be extra special :) Lord, you never fail to surprise me. You keep on blessing me with wonderful things. I would surely end 2012 with a happy heart. Thank you for the overflowing blessings I couldn't be much happier :)

So much love for Christmas

I have never been this happy. This Christmas is extra special for me and my family. It has been long enough since we had celebrated Christmas altogether. Waking up knowing our house could be called home is a feeling that can't be replaced by any other thing. I am so blessed to have them. If you've read my blog before; you'd know that I am not an affectionate person especially towards my family. Buuuuuut, I kind of fixed that part of me. I frequently text my mom, email my dad, send bbm to my brother. I'd tell them I love them, I miss them. At first it was really hard, it gives me goosebumps. Especially when it comes to my brother. I would normally tell him "Hayyy miss mo nanaman ako no!" And he'd tell me "nigga please" :)))))) Sooooo much love from my brother right? But I love him anyway! I know he misses me too :))))

What more can I ask for? I have a happy family. I have my wonderful friends. God has blessed me so much. And there's only one wish that I have, it's that one day I hope my family would see God as I see Him in church. I want them to experience God as I experienced Him touching my life. I want them to be there with me. I want their full support. As much as I want to grow with Him; I can't fully do that when I know they can't fully understand my heart for it. One day I know this would come. There's nothing impossible with God :)

And this Christmas... it's not about the fancy clothes or the gifts we got. It's all about You. We love you so much. And for the greatest gift we could ever have, Thank you Lord for giving us Jesus :)

Yes, it is about LOVE

Do you really know what love is? Do you really know when you're in love? Does liking someone gives you a potential of being in love with them? Why does it have to be complicated? How do you differentiate all the feelings that you'll have towards a person?

How many times did you fall in love? How many times shall you give a portion of your heart to someone until you finally settle for "the one".

Is it really love? Or you just think that you are in love? Orrrr you are just in love with the thought of love?

Over-thinking?

Maybe

But it is better to think for a lot of times than to just act without thinking twice

Movies Vs. Reality? Haaaaah! I still believe that a love like that is still possible.  I have a friend who's really close to me. I've been his buddy for hmm years I guess, and I am really happy for him because I know he met the girl who's gonna make him believe that true love does exist. And it doesn't only exists in movies like what most guys say. He has always been a good guy. And he deserves a girl like the one he's dating. I have another friend who's like a sister to me. I am so excited for her. For me she's the nicest person you'll ever meet. A girl like her deserves THE BEST GUY. I am so jealous!!!! How I wish I would have a love story close to hers. It is really true that God is the best writer. Haha I shouldn't worry, he's still planning mine.

I don't actually mind being a third wheel or even fifth. Hahaha I just love seeing happy couples. It makes me believe that even in this generation it is possible to find true love.

I would always pray to Him, if I'd fall in love again or rather, if You'd let me fall for a person. Let this person be my last. I believe in Your timing Lord.

My thoughts of Him

Before, I used to ask Him, WHY. Why do I have to get through this? Why me? Have I done something wrong for me to deserve all those things? I felt really weak. I felt helpless. I felt that there won't come a day that I'll get over all the pain. My heart was full of pain. I lost my self-esteem. I would always doubt my capabilities. I kind of lost everything that I have. (Well that's how it really felt)

Yes you have friends that you can lean on. But sometimes you just can't really tell them everything. Not that you don't want to but it is just hard to put all your emotions into words. It's hard to select the perfect words to define what you feel. But there's someone who understands you. You don't have to speak. 'Cos He sees through you. Because of Him. I'm here; stronger than I was before. He never left me even though I've sinned.  He would always have that hand that would reach out and help me get up when I fall down.

I have never been so secured with what I have. For years I've been searching for myself. I've been lost; so scared that I won't be able to get back on track. Yes it is really true. He will never put you in a situation that you can't handle. There would always be a purpose for everything that comes into your life.

I thank Him everyday because I know without Him I won't be able to surpass all the struggles that came into my life. I trust Him so I don't worry. He has plans for me and I know I'll be happy. We'll all be happy. We'll surely have a ton of troubles ahead but we'll get through it :)

Not Too Soon

Almost 3am in the morning. I should be catching up some sleep that I've been missing throughout the week. But I'm here listening to music and blogging about something I really don't know what this is about. I just felt that I should update this somehow. And this would probably help me think about something else other than studies. (I have a lame life thank you) HAHA NOOOOOT!

So what to talk about... OH! I have this feeling of getting excited about lovelife LOL it seems like everyone  around me have someone special. My friends frequently joke about me being a nun or even a saint :)))) or basically be single for the rest of my existence. At first I'm just laughing and taking it as a plain joke as it went on and on... I'm already having these weird thoughts... What if I won't really have my chance? What if I'd fall for no one? What if I won't really like someone that much to the point I'd want him to be mine? WTH :| Buuuuuut noooooooo!!! I refuse! :))))) I'LL HAVE MY TURN!! Just not now. Not too soon. Not soon enough. Whuuuuut?

I'm excited though :))))
I think it would be a weird feeling for me. It would feel like everything's new.
And I promise myself that I would do my best to be affectionate :)))))
I won't holdback. I won't find affection creepy. HAHAHAHA

TRY.

Moved

Listen to every word

Some maybe familiar with this guy. I was really moved by his story. I was just browsing through youtube watching some videos from The Voice and X Factor and I came across this guy right here. He's Chris Rene and his audition piece was an original one. It was remarkable. If you aren't familiar with him try googling or watch his audition via youtube ;)

Like him, some had a dark past too; some are still in there. Some may be admitted and some are in denial. But there would always be that TIME when you know it's time to stop and probably take the other way. When I mean being in the "dark" it doesn't only mean you are taking drugs (just like the guy I was talking about earlier) Being in the dark would mean a lot of things that leads you away from Him.

"Looking at life, like how did I get it wrong
Life's too short, gotta live it long"
Mistakes are inevitable in life. Because of the wrong choices we made WE LEARN.
We should never be stuck up in the dark. Never be afraid of stepping forward and try looking for the light. It may be hard, it may be too far. But we'll reach it. JUST BELIEVE.

"Livin' life with loved ones close to me
Shh shh ahh, THIS IS THE REMEDY
And I got the recipe, I don't need no Hennessy"
HAH! Raise your hand if you're guilty about this?? *narrows eyes* Yeah surely at some point we think that alcohol is the answer to the problems we have. But what do we get from it? Headache!!! After a good night, when you wake up. Problem's still there. We don't need alcohol we need SOLUTION with the help of good support group :)

"If you wanna build your love up, put your hate down"
This is what I learned through the years. Any negative feeling doesn't help at all. Turn the negatives into positives. Hatred will only ruin you inside. You're just feeding your unlikely self in you. And yeah, how can you love when you have a lot of hatred deep in you? See the point there? Haha.

"Now listen, it takes education, to change your reputation
From bad to good to getting better, now you're elevating"
SAYS IT ALL ;)

.......................then my mind goes BLANK
Anyhoo. Hope others may be moved by this too :)
(that rhymes!) LOL

Zombies Come Alive

Who says being in College of Rehabilitation Sciences you can't have a "life"?

Take a break once in awhile

YES we're ZOMBIES. But we surely know how to become ALIVE ;)

October 12-15, 2012

BORACAY ESCAPADE

with college friends :)

For all the problems we've encountered along the way we still made it through. And we say hello to Boracay once again! And this time ALL GIRLS GETAWAY!!!

I missed everyone specially now that we don't get to see each other frequently. What makes it more heartwarming is that even though we're on a different batch now, we keep our friendship tight. These lovely ladies surely made an impact in my life. I can never set words to define how grateful I am to meet them. I love each one of them. Thanks for everything. From the first year of college; on how you welcomed a stranger to be a part of your life. From the way you understood and never judge on a way a person is. You didn't know how great that is. You never left me in times when I needed people just to listen.

And this upcoming second semester, I'd see you all again and probably more frequent than last sem. But it will always get into my head that this would probably be the last semester that I'd see you guys. HUHU. Cos you'll all be interns after this sem and it would just be me and Diane all over again. *cries.

ENOUGH OF THE DRAMA

LET'S GET INTO THE DIRT!!! LOL

JONAH'S FRUITSHAKE! :)

MUST TRY: Banana Choco Peanut and Melon Mango

We went helmet diving. It scared the hell out of me. Cos we were estimated 16 feet below sea level. 

And I don't know how to swim :(

and yeah we also tried riding ATVs

Second night was EPIC

We were really tired that night and we kind of thought of going home early despite of the thing called "Saturday Night" but eventually we didn't want to regret anything and we grabbed any chance for us to enjoy. So we just hang on and gave the night a chance, who knows what could possibly happen that night, RIGHT?

(the rest of the night was spent in EPIC BAR and something EPIC happened and it's only for us to know)

 IT'S REALLY FUNNY THOUGH :)))))

EPIC FAIL

DI LAHAT NG POGI LALAKE HAHAHAHA

(photos taken at Epic Bar)

(a photo taken during our last night in Bora)

"Never have I ever"

A moment spent wisely would be a moment to be treasured forever. We may be knocked down by all the stress from school be we surely know how to roll :))))

I'm looking forward for another getaway

 more time to spend

more places to travel

more money to waste

LOL

A friendship that goes...

 TO INFINITY AND BEYOND

NEXT GETAWAY?

ILOCOS!!!

Ohhhctober...

This month will surely be something special. I'm really anxious of what could possibly happen. Time flies so fast and this month... Ohhh this month... Everytime I think of the end of the semester it gives me mini heart attacks. I just want this feeling to be over. Half of my heart actually does want that, but the other half says if only time could be a little more slow. I just can't imagine myself failing AGAIN. I just want this so bad. I've really put much effort this time compared to the past years. Don't want to disappoint my parents. Don't want to waste TIME and MONEY. Don't want to start from another clean slate. *Sigh

I hope that everyone from Team Irreg will pass. They are really special to me. They are like the sparkle in my college life. We failed but we didn't lose the vibe of feeling that we are worthy of still being in CRS. We had our shortcomings and we managed to do something about it. I really believe that when you put you heart, mind and soul to everything you do, success would just be around waiting for the right moment to shine at your best. The good things in life is best appreciated when you know you've worked hard on it.

Don't stop believing you can. Believing in your own capacity should always be the first. Cos this time, only YOU can help yourself.

Motivation is what gets you started and habit is what keeps you going ;)

Blogging can really be therapeutic. Good thing I was able to let this one out. 

Thank You Lord for each day. For giving me hope everyday. You know what I told You haha! I love Youuuu!

A moment treasured FOREVER

Soooo on my previous posts I told you that my goals are just to pass my subjects and be closer with my family. First off, this past week I can say that yeah I did pretty well and I'm pulling my grades up. Oh Lord, you know how badly I want to pass this semester. ANDDDD... Tonight is a moment to be treasured for life!

I waited for this time to come. Never have I thought of telling this to my mom or to anyone in our family. It was really scary to imagine what would be their reaction if they knew about it.

But... things just happen all we can do is to accept :)

My mom and I are just having a casual talk over coffee and we were talking about how my brother's such a pain in their ass (well cos my brother isn't acting like his age but we love him so much haha!) and she was ranting with full emotions as if I'm the one involved (Now I know where I got that trick) blah blah enough of the side comments. Okay proceed; and so typical sibling act: "Eh bakit si *insert name of sibling here* di mo din pagalitan!" My brother would always say that when he's being reprimanded by my mom. And all I can say is "Wala naman akong ginagawang mali" And this made me think that yeah, I wasn't really doing something wrong unlike before. And sooo we talked about random stuff like my college friends, highschool friends and something about my past. Then I suddenly thought of saying this HUGE thing to my mom. I felt like this is the moment where I can tell her and so she'll understand the way I am now. I was hesitant at first and even uttered the words "kaso natatakot ako" and eventually I told her and I was crying in front of my mom. I don't actually know the reason why I shed those tears. I can't stop crying while I was telling it to her. And her reaction was "Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi sakin dati pa?" and all I said was "Ayoko ng gulo". I know that when my family gets to know what happened they'll really do something about it. Maybe the boys will try to get even. My mom was really pissed off for what happened I didn't even told her the whole story cos I know it would be way too much for her to handle. She was really mad and I told her  "Let it go, I didn't even got mad. Yes I was hurt but holding on to anger would just haunt you and bring you down."And all she said was "Hindi ka nagagalet, abnormal ka talaga" hahahaha

It seemed like I was able to jump out of the box and finally passed through the wall separating me from my family. It really feels good to let them know what had happened to you and let them realize it changed you.

Well, I'm still living with no regrets and I am thankful for everything. Even if those moments were tough and made me fell off the ground... yes, I am thankful. You don't know how much I learned from all the things that got me this far.

Isn't it amazing how He makes us learn things on such experiences He lets us in?

I am always amazed on how He works on touching people's lives :)

There's more to life than love

Almost everyone's being pressured to be in a relationship. Setting romantic relationship as the number one priority in their life. As for me, I want to focus more on setting the right goals. I want to become a better "ME" first off I want to pass all my subjects this sem. Second is I want to be closer with my family. That's what's keeping me busy this time.

We're not getting any younger and I've been in a couple of serious relationships. I did not involve myself with short-term relationships btw. From the start I believe that commitment is a BIGDEAL. Being someone's girlfriend is not just hobby that you can focus on when you're bored. I still think that the right time for commitment is when you're already complete and you know your priorities. People say the lines like "You complete me" and "Ikaw mundo ko" Here's what I'll say to that ULOL NIYO Hahahaha. What are some of the reasons why people break-up? Maybe because they don't have enough time, they still want to enjoy their "youth", they keep on clashing because they have different views about things and a lot more issues.

Why not just enjoy the friendship with the opposite sex without thinking that they can be a potential boyfriend/girlfriend. You shouldn't rush into falling in love. Like what my friend said the other day "Don't chase, PACE". Nothing worth having comes easy. Right?

I think being in a relationship when you're still studying is a distraction. Well YES for me it is. I know myself too well and I know that I get easily distracted. Two reasons for that :
-We know that fights are inevitable in a relationship and that's something that might take your attention from focusing in your studies.
-TIME. When you're in a relationship of course you have to find time for your partner. And hello, pagtulog nga hirap na akong hanapan ng oras eh?! Oras pa kaya sa boyfriend?

SIMPLE POINTS HAHA

I believe that it's better if you use the this time to become a better person
I want to be the right person for the right man at the right time :)

Say Goodbye to Teenage Years

THIS BLOGPOST MAY BORE YOU

But you may learn from it though :)

Have I been living my life to the fullest? Have I been a good person? Years have gone so fast. We can't even tell until when are we gon be alive. Being a teenager was the peak of what could mold you as you grow older. It may define how you view things. I think I've gone through the phase where I screwed up and be all that happy-go-lucky girl. Before, I tend to just act according to what I want. And now, I can say, I act according to what is right. Lifestyle change, it's really difficult to turn your back to what you're used to. People are naturally resistant to change. But hey, there's no harm in trying and most especially when you know it is for the better.

For those people who knew me way back in gradeschool/highschool, you know how much I have been distant to my family. Being expressive to my feelings was really not my thing. I find it awkward to speak for what I feel. And they say "Strict parents make sneaky children" YES YES. I KNOW. I have been really sneaky. I do a lot of things that they didn't know. I didn't want them to worry and I know they're just looking after me. But I know my limits and I know they wouldn't understand.

BUT TO TELL YOU,

It is really true.

"Sana nakinig nalang ako sa nanay ko"

Parents know what's the best for us. Maybe you wouldn't accept the fact they're right for now. But sooner or later you'll understand. Specially when we're already in their shoes.

I've done stupid mistakes and they actually make good stories to tell everyone. My life is an open book. I'd rather tell you what I've gone through with all honesty than to let people guess and believe all those false notions about me.

Saying goodbye to teenage years... 19 now. then 20 21 22 23... Ohmyyy. Two more years then we'll be graduating (Yes, I'm claiming that! Two more years!!) Then working, then what? Marrying age? Shocks time flies so fast.

ANYWAY. I've been talking so much. I would like to tell you more but I'll save it for my next posts :)
Have to move my ass now, Hello CRS week! :D

Alive and Kickin'

I think it's already 4am and here I am still awake. Still studying. I am not sleepy at all good thing our test would still be in the afternoon. I have 12 more hours to go. I really hope I get enough grades to pull my grades up. I don't want to fail again /WRIST

Oh well for the majority of Team Irreg it would be their last test tomorrow. Oh I mean later. As for me, I still have my last test on Wednesday. Boohoo poor me. But I'm really excited for this year's CRS Week :D What could possibly happen? I miss my old batchmates. We'll finally get the chance to spend time with each other. Hoorah!

I'M LOOKING FORWARD FOR THIS WEEKEND :D
Saturday will be my birthday and the next day will be my Mom's arrival. Woooohh! I missed her :)
Alright! I'm gon get back to studying Neuroanatomy :) GOODLUCK!!

Fat Kid at Heart

I'M SKINNY AND I KNOW IT! :)))))

I consider myself blessed for I don't get fat even though I have an appetite of a man. Oh Lord you must really love me. Well obviously I'm the type of person who spends too much for food. I always make sure that I get to satisfy my cravings. 

They say, the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach... 

MAYBE I'M A MAN TOO! LOL.

I like being pampered through food. I prefer receiving food as a gift/treat from others than any other material things (except Hello Kitty of course). Haha I'm such a pig. Everytime someone gives me food OHMYGOSH seemed like a ray of light just flashed into my eyes ooooohhh how I love food this much. So if gaining weight was just easy for my body maybe I'm a really fat kid right now. LOL

Ohhhhh if only I can marry these food :))
(hehe my favorites ♥) 

On second thought, I don't actually like being this skinny :( I really want to gain weight. FYI I am just 40kg. Can you just imagine how heavy I am? Seems like HEAVY isn't even the word to describe my weight. Okay let's do it again... Can you imagine how light I am??! LOL. Paper-weight kiddo.

Truth Hurts

Why now? Why are these things coming up just now? I'm having this feeling that I don't have the right to feel bad about it and rant about it. But if you were at my place maybe you'll understand. I have this question in my mind and it has always been in my mind for a long time. WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF THESE? I have done nothing wrong to you. I have been good. I can actually claim that. Time has healed my heart; I have forgiven the people who hurt me. And it sucks to know just now. To know that you lied to me. This is not a lie that you can let it pass just like that. This thing is such a big deal. If only I knew by that time maybe I could have saved myself from getting hurt even more.

The sad thing is that everyone knew about it EXCEPT ME.
You might say that you don't want me to know because you don't want me to get hurt. But what do you think am I feeling right now?
You don't want to get involved too. Yes I get that. But seeing your friend suffer and letting her know about it might save her? Did it not even hit your mind?

I'm not mad at anyone. I just hate what I am feeling right now.
THIS FEELING SUCKS
I just want it to pass.

What has changed?

Two days without electricity made me read these.

My planner slash diary from 2009 to 2012

I love expressing my thoughts through writing. Whenever I think about something deep I would always have a pen and a paper. I would try to write the problem, the effect on me, the possible solutions and what I think is the right thing to do regardless of my feelings. I love to think. THINK THINK THINK. And yes, that's the problem... I usually overthink.

Reading page by page brings back the memories of what happened all those years. I get so amazed everytime I try to look back on things that had occurred and I am now trying to see what it brought me this far. I can really say that I have no regrets. I missed out on people, let the good ones passed by my hand and I made mistakes but I know at some point in my life that's what I wanted. I've seen myself so hurt, people have witnessed that too. That pain I experienced made me this tough. I may have cried for so many times but that doesn't make me weak for I know I've fought so hard for what's already dying. That's being brave; being ready to face and endure the pain. 

As the years gone by, I learned how to cope up better with what the world has given me. I also learned how to treasure the people who never leave my side through good times and bad. I have a lot of friends and I am so blessed I've met them. I would like to state all their names here but I don't want to miss out on anyone so let's just leave it like that ;)

I'm done with the "downside" of my life. It was so hard to bring back the pieces of what had been broken for quite awhile. It was really tough at first; I didn't even thought of being able to get back on track that fast. I am really happy with my life now. Setting goals and priorities. And doing something to attain my dreams. That's what truly matters.

It doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is that you get up :)

To the Man I love the Most :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDUGO :)

Today is August 6, 2012 and it's my father's birthday. Happy birthday Dad wherever in the world you are

 I miss you and I love you sooooo much. I hope you're always safe :)

When I was a kid they kept on asking me these two questions: first, when's the birthday of Mang Mar (our service driver) and I could answer right away... MARCH THREE! then second, when is my Dad's birthday and I can't actually remember it and everyone laughs at me for not knowing it. What-a-daughter :| Boohoo.

BUT DON'T WORRY DAD, I REMEMBER IT NOW :)))) I'm such a good child :)))

Even though we haven't spent much time together or even talk on a regular basis. I want you to know that I am so proud that you are my father. Nagmana ako sayo eh? Kaya tayo "Sandugo" eh? At sure ako na sayo ko namana pagiging iyakin ko! :)))) I love you Dad! Thank you for all the sacrifices you've done for this family. Someday I can payback, I would treat you guys and hopefully I can take you out of the country cos I know you want to live there or build a house somewhere in Tagaytay or Baguio. (So many dreams that I hope I can achieve)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Uwi na kayo ni mommy miss na namin kayo ni kuya :)

Here's another picture of my Dad

BTW, ang payat mo dito :)))))